Saturday, April 20, 2013

That Time I Reported a Fellow Passenger to a Flight Attendant

Friday workout: 6 miles, 10:30 average, Pace Gloves
Saturday workout: 5 miles, 10:50-ish average, Pace Gloves

I thought I was done talking about Norway, but then I happened to rediscover the awesome shots I took while flying from Oslo to New York and realized I wanted to talk about that 26-hour saga.

Let's start with getting to the Oslo airport. Norway, you've got public transportation DOWN. The T-bane was awesome (and omg clean!!!!!!! Nary a hint of urine in the air!) and getting from downtown to the airport on whatever that train was called took two seconds. 

Those buildings are pretty rad.

This was the first time I've flown during the day in literally seven or eight years, and it was so nice to be able to actually see things. Also, because I was flying west, it was light the ENTIRE TRIP. That's 26 hours of daylight. It was trippy.

I don't really want to tell you about the entire trip, I just want to show you the following photos and tell you a story about what a paranoid (and delightful?) traveler I am. First, photos taken who knows where! My flight map was broken so all I can say is that it was somewhere between Oslo and New York. I'm pretty sure we flew over Iceland and Greenland, so probably somewhere in that general area.

If it's jagged and covered in snow, it will be my favorite thing ever.

If you're having a hard time distinguishing this from the previous picture, you're not alone.

It totally looks like we're in space. Also, the sky really was that blue.

Okay, last one, I swear!

So, paranoid traveler story. I want to preface this by saying that although I pretty much always manage to convince myself the plane's about to go down for one reason or another, I've never reported a fellow passenger to the flight crew. Uh-huh. You read that right. I tattled on my seat-mate for convincing me he was up to no good. Watch out, fliers, Jeano's on the case!

I swear, though, this guy was CREEPY. He was totally up to no good. At first he was just going in and out of the bathroom every two seconds. Strange, but not unheard of. Maybe he was hungover. After a few back-and-forths, though, he came back to his seat, pulled some documents out of his bag, and went right back into the bathroom for the next half hour. WHY? WHY DID HE BRING PAPERS IN THERE WITH HIM? In my mind, they were instructions for dismantling an essential part of the plane accessible only from the bathroom. See, I'm totally sane, right?

He finally came back to his seat, and I was able to rest easy... until thirty seconds later when he and those damn papers made their way to the emergency exit, where he parked himself for the next hour "reading" but really figuring out how he could open the emergency door and make the plane go down (does a plane go down if you open one of those things? I don't understand science). At this point, we were about three hours into the flight and I had done nothing but stalk him the entire time. I was very tired but determined to be the hero that saved everyone's (okay, mostly my own) lives.

Eventually, he sat down again... for ten minutes. Then it was back to the bathroom for another half hour, and then BACK TO THE EMERGENCY DOOR. What are you doing, Norwegian man?! Why can't you sit in your damn seat?! At this point, I decided it was worth revealing my insanity to the flight attendants if there was even the remotest possibility he really was up to something. So I walked right up to a flight attendant and told him my crazy theory.

He was nice enough to take me semi-seriously, although he asked me a strange question like, "What are you having to drink?" I don't know if he was asking if I had been drinking (although it would probably help my craziness, I'm always worried drinking on a plane will just make it worse so I never do it) or offering to give me a free drink to calm me down. Who knows. I said no. The flight attendant said he would keep an eye on my Norwegian nemesis and I sat back down.

Surprisingly enough, evil man sat down after I reported him. He stayed seated for an hour or so and I was able to relax a bit (not sleep, though. Constant vigilance!).

Just as I was able to convince myself we were in the clear, we started descending and of course this gd Norwegian GOES BACK TO THE BATHROOM. Dude didn't come out again UNTIL AFTER WE LANDED. I was literally semi-hyperventilating in my seat. I couldn't believe no one else seemed concerned about this crazy man.

Obviously I survived. That doesn't change the fact that this man was up to no good. I'm convinced he was aware of the fact that I could do nothing but stare at him and thus decided to let us live. See? I'm totally crazy. I hate, hate, hate to fly and am relieved I don't have another flight scheduled any time soon (I'm pretty sure I'm going to drive to grad school instead of flying, thanks god).


Moving on to running, it's been so beautiful in Anchorage the past few days! So much sun and so much snow melt. It's still around 12-17 degrees in the mornings, but in the afternoon it's been a shocking 50+ degrees in the sun. In fact, I ran in shorts both yesterday and today. Today, I even had to shed the long-sleeve shirt I was wearing! Yes, folks, I, the ice queen, ran in shorts and a tank top. It was a sight to behold (or maybe not-this girl's skin is PALE).

Kind of a terrible shot but the only picture I took on my run yesterday.

Taken today-look at that sky!

I've been completely unable to keep my pace as slow as I'm supposed to these past few days. It was actually really frustrating today, as I literally didn't feel I could go any slower and yet I was running 10:50s or so (I was supposed to be running 11:38). This is obviously not the end of the world since I'm still maintaining the spirit of the workout (ie. run as slowly as possible), but obsessive Jeano has definitely been yelling at me a lot.

Tomorrow's a doozy - 15 miles! My longest run in almost a year. Eeeeeeek! I'll be fine, though. I'm taking it easy tonight, hoping to get a good night's rest, and fueling with pancakes tomorrow morning.

I hope you're all doing wonderful things with your weekend! Tell me:
  • What's the craziest/most paranoid thing you've ever done on a plane?
  • What's the coolest place you've ever flown over?


  1. Wow for the gorgeous pictures! Thanks so much for sharing.
    Yikes-That is kinda creepy about that dude. I am surprised the flight attendants allowed him to stay up and about as you landed even after they said they would keep an eye on him...

    This is not a paranoid story, but once I was late boarding a Southwest flight with my boyfriend. We were practically the last to board so we could not choose where we sat and weren't next to one another but he was a few rows in front of me. I was next to some big guy who 1) could not keep his elbows to himself and 2) looked at the food I was carrying and immediately said "I am allergic to onions." Granted, it did smell like onions and I was annoyed so I gave the box to bf and sat down grudingly next to dude. Then bf, being a nice guy, pointed out another seat and told me I should move, even if it caused disruption. I got up and told dude I was switching and he said "oh no-but you take up so much less room than he does." I wasn't switching with bf, but that was what he thought. I took the empty seat and then it turned out a woman had just boarded with a small child who was literally kicking and screaming. Yep, she sat down next to dude and was constantly up and down the entire flight trying to calm the kid down. I had never been so happy I had switched seats. Ever.

    1. Hahaha! Karma, or something... :)

    2. Yeah, I always thought there was a rule that you're supposed to stay in your seat when not going to the bathroom (as in, NO HANGING OUT BY THE EMERGENCY EXIT FOR HOURS AND HOURS), but evidently there are no rules on trans-Atlantic flights.

      "I am allergic to onions" - ahahahaha. I think I'd lose it if that was how someone introduced themselves. I'd say he had a kicking and screaming child coming to him.

  2. Craziest? Gosh, I usually restrain my crazy while I'm flying. And I have quite a lot of flight miles under my belt. But I've got nothin' for ya in that department today. Hmmm...nope, nothin'. Although sometimes, if I get a free upgrade (See: I fly a lot.), I ask for an extra cookie. Because the best part of an upgrade is the warm cookie served in Business Class. No lie...

    Flying over pyramids while landing in Cairo was pretty spectacular!

    1. Asking for an extra cookie: so crazy! I can't decide whether I'd be a better or worse flier if I did it more often...

      Oooh, the pyramids would be so cool!

  3. Oh, hell nah. When I get worried about (or more commonly, annoyed/enraged by) people, I can't focus on ANYTHING else but that. I once was out to dinner and a mother was seated a few tables away and was so annoying with her child that I sat there, stared, got all angry and annoyed and didn't even eat my own dinner. That type of concentration is fierce. I would have been like you and stayed awake and aware the whole time focusing on the crazy man. You would have been a hero. I'm glad he wasn't up to any bad stuff, but still...super sketchy. And don't they have rules about being in your damn seat when you're landing?!

    1. This confirms it: you're totally my more well-adjusted/adult doppelganger.

      I know, how was no one pounding on that bathroom door to get that crazy man out of there?! I don't think they even noticed he wasn't in his seat. Ugh.

  4. Bahahahahahaha. Oh my gosh that is SO CREEPY!!!! I would have said something, too. I can't believe he was in the bathroom during landing. That's totally sketch.

    I usually conk out during plane rides (thank goodness), so nothing too crazy happens to me. My sister and BIL were on a flight back from Africa, though, and I guess the cabin pressure was just a little low (not like low enough for the oxygen masks or anything) and 6 passengers (including my BIL) passed out. My sister is a super anxious person, so she was just like a stressball for the rest of the flight, ha. They each got a comp ticket anywhere in the world for it! I'd take that deal...

    1. I envy you. I don't know that I've ever been able to snooze for 5-10 minutes on a plane, at least not since I was little. I would NOT trade low cabin pressure for a free ticket (ahhhh!), although I guess I'd be happy about the ticket after the fact.

    2. Window seats are crucial to sleeping. If I can't contort my body in an incredibly awkward way into a fetal position against the window, I can't sleep. Ha.

      They also just randomly get free upgrades all the time. (like they aren't premier members or anything..just totally random). And one time they were on a flight in Asia and they got a letter when they got home that was like "we are so sorry for the inconveniences of your's a free ticket" and they had slept through the whole flight and had no idea what had "inconvenienced them" ha.

  5. I'm glad creepy guy didn't actually do anything. Maybe he has IBS or something. I almost reported a girl once for continuing to text her friends after the flight attendant told her to put her phone away (after the doors to the plane had been closed). She was probably college age and one of those types who seems to think they're the only important person in the world. Luckily she stopped eventually, or I'm sure I would have reported her.